My wife and Technology II (And more, I promise!)

Yesterday I wrote about my wife and her experiences with Technology. 

I felt bad.

Now I do not feel bad anymore, after experiencing another bout of my wife vs technology.

Let me explain.

Cleaning the house, she wishes to listen to Christmas music.  She asks what kind i have on my computer.  Now I'm not the holiday kinda guy who likes to listen to Jingle Bells and The First Noel ad nauseum.  So I don't have much.  This offended her sensibilities.  So what does my wonderful wife do?  She gets on my computer (I'm in the kitchen, cleaning the kitchen, which I have been at this time trained to do....more on that later) and brings up Yahoo Messenger thinking to use the plug-in to play Christmas music.

I then hear, and no I am not making this up:  "DANGIT!  How do you get this thing to play?  There's no SOUND coming out!  HONEY!"

I'm up to my armpits in soap suds scrubbing.  I yell back "Is the volume up?"  What she replied to me with cannot be repeated in polite company.

So she's at my computer, trying to get music going.  Suddenly I hear 90's pop followed by electronica followed by ghetto blaster followed by classical followed by Christian followed by God knows what but I think they killed a cat making it.  All the while I hear "DANGIT!  DANGIT!  DANGIT!  DANGIT!" as each snippet plays.  At this time I am no longer up to my armpits in suds, but attempting to stifle the laughter that I feel bubbling up from deep inside me.  Because, you see, I am a trained husband.

Now for those of you males who read this and don't understand is that if you have a monther, a girlfriend, or a wife you are being trained.  Since all of us males have one or more of these (Good God I hope you don't have a girlfriend and a wife......you're a dead man) I figured I should explain for you younger folks how the training works, and how to realize that you are being trained.

In my case it's simple.

Today after I woke up my wife came in and said to me very sweetly:  "Do you want to get the dishes done today?"

Without thinking about it, I said YES.

Now let me explain to you about me and dishes.  It's like a cat and a shower.  The two do NOT mix.  Yet after nearly 11 years of marriage I replied  YES to the question and for a moment actually BELIEVED that I wanted to get the dishes done!

This is TRAINING FOLKS.

Here's a few other instances

You know you are a trained male when:  Your wife says that she is cold at 3:30am and you wake up, get out of the warm bed, and go on the Search for the Holy Blanket to keep your wife warm.  Forget turning up the thermostat, you need to find a BLANKET.  And if you don't, she'll take yours.

You know you're a trained male when:  (This one is more for me)  Your wife comes to bed at midnight, shakes you awake, and says "It's too quiet, could you please turn the stereo (which is on the other side of the room) on?"  And you do it!!

You know you're a trained male when:  Your son forgets to put the toilet seat up when peeing.  This puts you into a complete panic because you're afraid that your wife will find out!

You know you're a trained male when:  Your wife wakes up in the middle of the night with an itch, and you ITCH IT TO THE POINT YOU'RE AWAKE!

You know you're a trained male when:  You know what the sound effect "WHAP!" both sounds and feels like.

Now whap is a sound effect of being hit by a female woman who is as ticked off as a wet cat. The sound does NOT give the *WHAP* justice. The *WHAP* is done BACKHAND so it hurts more. The *WHAP* is always done in the same place. And the *WHAP* follows with........."Don't be a baby." after you're massaging the forming bruise.

I cleaned the kitchen.